Browsing Tag: personal growth

Morning coffee

[listening to]

There it is again. That tickling sensation where nothing makes sense and all the incongruous facets of life don’t add up to something real. The heavy fog of this new place breeds ethereal. The weather dips below freezing while the sun rests and yet there are birds out hunting for breakfast in frosted muddy earth before first light. I work from a new place, and also I don’t understand how I’m managing to work because my mind is not present.

I am moving through time, or perhaps it is moving through me. The sounds around me are new and yet ever the same. Voices I recognize but in alien rooms. Situations I have been through yet seem ill-equipped to handle. …I also recognize I’m speaking in very meta and mysterious ways, which is not my intention. No more “magusitis” today.

I’ve set a goal to write something every three days here, knowing I would more likely write about once a week for the first bit as I find my words. There’s no one readily available to me for editing, so I’ve also opted to get it out regardless. Get “the thing” posted so there is something happening in this space. I hope it will evolve into a new being again soon, and will stick around to see how that turns out.

I am weighing options for building a new routine. I have a sketch of a model in my mind, so I will dump it here and use its reality to refine something functional. If life can be cleanly broken down into a few major blocks – it can’t, but let’s give it a go – I figure that I have three to five main realms of focus.

– Physical:
My body, the ligaments and muscles and guts of my mortal coil. Workouts, stretches, wise dietary choices.

– Mental:
The “I” inside my coil, heating things up and driving thoughts and feelings. Processing the hard shit, and actually enjoying the easy stuff.

– Spiritual:
The sacred connectivity I share with the birds and fog and trees around me. My awareness of what more there is (or isn’t).

– Social:
The activity of connection with others, as well as the “fun” things like fantasy story games. Making room for it regularly, but not to excess.

– Functional:
How I stay alive. This includes the mundane acts of eating and washing and working, in broadest strokes. Oh and the writing down of my progress for future me to review. Success is my proof and all that.

There are going to be a certain number of things, particularly if I am an employed coil, required of me almost every day I am awake and hale. There will thus be a list of tasks possibly set forth above my direct will each day, things I must do to keep the entire machine running. Otherwise, I will break down lists of action that fall within the other realms and align to my intentions. From these I will block time and space out for some from each list and build “a routine.”

I’ve never been able to keep much of a routine. I’ve been a student and an hourly employee and had many roles that were relatively “the same” day in and day out. It doesn’t feel like that’s what I was doing with school or most of my jobs, though. I’ve often had the sensation they are different shit, same classroom/office type of experiences. I have a certain jealousy for those who can swiftly tout “same shit, different day,” and it might warrant further exploration.

My desire for a routine extends into a few of my main realms above. Physically I can “function” and feel better if I am sound. Mentally I will be capable of learning and development if I am working at such things regularly. Spiritually I can become (re-)engaged with my emotions and world – and new worlds – if I create the skills to open those doors. Socially I recognize we mortal coils are in need of talking, laughing, breaking bread, and generally cavorting with one another. As for the functional mundane… I can maintain myself easier without returning to prolonged scarcity.

Let’s see how this further formulates.

Not Sure

I’m not sure what to write, or to say. A sentiment somewhat applied generally in my life right now, but more specifically to important folx about serious or salient topics. In taking on new roles and picking up new responsibilities, I have certainly overwhelmed myself at several junctures. Whether or not this will pan out long term as something “successful” or even “good” for me is yet to be…

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Listen to Ep 3 Trustopias

Well hello there. Isaac is back and brought a couple new people in for some conversation about how we trust, what we do when it’s broken, and then whether or not we should upload all human consciousness to each new child to see if it makes us stop treating each other like shit. Thanks for listening! Play in new window | Download

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Listen to Minisode 2.3 Motorvational Speaking

It’s finally time for Lucenti Live Episode 2.3, with Isaac as your solo host. I’m word-walking my way through the projects and major tasks currently on my burner. Listening back to this exercise will hopefully give me some additional perspective on what I can prioritize, delegate, or push to the backburner. Please send any feedback, commentary, puns, or dead memes through the Contact page over at Lucenti.Live and you can follow…

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Listen to Lucenti Live Minisode 2.1

Welcome to Lucenti Live Episode 2.1, with Isaac as your solo host. There have been a lot of changes going on in the lives of our host trio, and as such, I’ve got the consent of my fellows to do smaller minisodes between our lengthier and more researched episodes. This will allow us to offer more engagement for those willing to torture themselves and listen, keep conversation flowing around…

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Safe Spaces… or Isolationist Bunkers? Part 1

  I went and did it. I got embroiled in an online drama fest. I’m not proud of it, but I feel like I both learned some things and wasted some time. Though I suppose if I learned some things then I did not waste any time. I was added to a new support group for marginalized sexual and relational identities. The group rules immediately inspired some in-depth conversation…

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What a Leader Do

I’m the type of person who likes to “do.” I volunteer and get my hands dirty, and I speak up when I think there’s indecisive silence. I’ve had a penchant in the past for sharing lots of material with my peers, hopeful they would read the same things and arrive at similar conclusions. I’ve become intentionally selfish for myself of late. I retired from all leadership positions – largely…

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