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Not Sure

I’m not sure what to write, or to say. A sentiment somewhat applied generally in my life right now, but more specifically to important folx about serious or salient topics. In taking on new roles and picking up new responsibilities, I have certainly overwhelmed myself at several junctures. Whether or not this will pan out long term as something “successful” or even “good” for me is yet to be revealed.

During these times of overwhelm, I start to see the breakdown of my self-care habits in small chips and fragments. Like a stone cutter losing track of the bigger piece and shaving down too far. It may start as simple as forgetting several days of notating journal entries, or of missed exercise. I’ve noticed I fail to take daily supplements or perhaps vanish from the social world of my close friends. In some cases I catch on that this is happening, talk about it, and head it off. Of late I have felt I did not necessarily have the confidence or perhaps even wherewithal to share it with someone, and I’ve been choking down some water as I struggle to stay afloat.

I wonder what the best remedy for me in this situation and at this time might be. Some things I’ve read tell me a single lost day might set me back months in terms of project longevity or triumph, others tout that our lack of laziness contributes to our stymied health and happiness. A final one tells me that no matter how long I might take, merely knowing the end goal and having some concept of progress should benefit me.

I think the only answer I have in response right now is that I am not sure. Not sure where I’m going or if I’m doing all the right things. I’m not sure what I’d like to be doing or whether I should actually drop anything outright from my roster now.

I will be sure to start journaling again, and getting some things updated here on the site as well. At the very least, additional documentation of this period may serve me well at some future date.

Fear Based Stress Reduction

snippet of the screaming guy painting

I am now several weeks in to a course called Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). I’m learning about the program and some of the science that’s been conducted around its efficacy. And I’ve been adding new practices on top of my daily routines, experiencing different ways of being mindful: body scans, formal meditations, movement, mindful activities, and so on. My mind, in usual unquiet fashion, consistently concocts thoughts and…

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