All Posts By: ferox

dreams: apocalypse sometime

From 26-Aug:

It seems I had multiple iterations of this dream, and details often overlap, as though I was slightly lucid and kept “restarting” sections that didn’t end well.

I awoke from a stasis, with the apocalypse still happening (one of those slow-moving ones where things slowly deteriorate, rather than a sudden collapse or crisis). The scientist type who woke me was oddly controlling, and made sure to limit my access to information, potential weapons, and other people. At some juncture I managed to sneak into the inventory. I encountered another person, perhaps another isolated stasis waker, but they were aggressive and began getting violent with me.

I snatched what I could and had to keep moving, finding out as I left the little compound that the city was no longer sustainable or defensible. I at different times had different weapons, but in the primary mode had a sword with an energy component (light saber-esque extension function). The other common weapon I used was a large energy rifle with a stand, which I could use akin to an anti-aircraft gun.

I sometimes fought with the aggressive person from before at different places in the city, or had to fend off the scientist, or had to rally a few people together to drive away/escape from invading forces.

dreams: business men

From 25-Aug: While in queue for fast food during a break from school, I chatted some acquaintances just ahead of me, even flirting with a couple cuties from the group. The staff from the front had stepped away, so we weren’t exactly sure what was going on in the back. An impatient businessman ahead began spouting shitty things to a peer, citing the insanity of people who hear voices,…

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dreams: violence

From 24-Aug: I was driving around a familiar town (it seemed a blend of familiar places, really), with my partner and our home gNorma. We parked outside of a motel and booked a room we regularly stayed in whenever we passed through there. As some point a violent person came into the area, though I can’t recall if they were familiar to me. They had a rapid-fire rifle and…

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dreams: assassin

From 23-Aug: Was present with a couple of femme folx (partners or friends, unsure which. One of the femmes was an older person with some issue getting around easily) and realized something was wrong. We assessed the area and noted that the wide open windows, collapsing front door, and general open floor plan was very weak security-wise. In the process of trying to make it more defensible, we spotted…

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update, grief, and dreams log

There’s been some additional weight added to my life, in addition to the overwhelm mentioned in my previous post. As my fingers try to relay the thoughts and feelings from deeper places inside me, documenting recent dreams here seems interesting. From 22-August: Bits and pieces from earlier in the dream involved driving around, chatting with others under the warmth of the sun. Then, laying down upon a bed continuing…

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Not Sure

I’m not sure what to write, or to say. A sentiment somewhat applied generally in my life right now, but more specifically to important folx about serious or salient topics. In taking on new roles and picking up new responsibilities, I have certainly overwhelmed myself at several junctures. Whether or not this will pan out long term as something “successful” or even “good” for me is yet to be…

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Listen to Ep 3 Trustopias

Well hello there. Isaac is back and brought a couple new people in for some conversation about how we trust, what we do when it’s broken, and then whether or not we should upload all human consciousness to each new child to see if it makes us stop treating each other like shit. Thanks for listening! Play in new window | Download

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Fear Based Stress Reduction

snippet of the screaming guy painting

I am now several weeks in to a course called Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). I’m learning about the program and some of the science that’s been conducted around its efficacy. And I’ve been adding new practices on top of my daily routines, experiencing different ways of being mindful: body scans, formal meditations, movement, mindful activities, and so on. My mind, in usual unquiet fashion, consistently concocts thoughts and…

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Writers block got me like… That reminder I set for myself on my phone, but that I keep changing the next day. That friend you keep meaning to text, but totally forget to for weeks on end. The deep cleaning you promised yourself you would do when the weather finally turned warm, but you want to make sure it’s warm for just a couple extra days before you get…

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