All Posts By: ferox

Fear Based Stress Reduction

I am now several weeks in to a course called Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). I’m learning about the program and some of the science that’s been conducted around its efficacy. And I’ve been adding new practices on top of my daily routines, experiencing different ways of being mindful: body scans, formal meditations, movement, mindful activities, and so on. My mind, in usual unquiet fashion, consistently concocts thoughts and narratives about the usefulness of this course and what benefits my participation may bring.

At the same time, since one of the methods presented is “letting be,” I don’t particularly care if it is helpful in making me “more productive” or “chill AF” I am enjoying it and I do not need to extract value from it.

I also happen to be house and kitteh sitting for a friend. Tonight I am sitting alone in the living room with the lights fairly low. A podcast is playing while I absently fit blocks together in a game on my phone. An inky black kitty audibly breaths somewhere around the corner. A milky white kitty rolls around my feet, occasionally chattering for more whenever I reach a hand down to pet her. Over the people speaking, I can hear the steady sound of rain falling outside, the periodic gutter wave created by passing vehicles, and the creak of the chair whenever I move.

A bang outside the front door draws my attention, and I am startled away from my phone, immediately pausing the audio. My heart starts beating, my breath speeds up, and my eyes seek out any discernible movements through the small windows of the front door. The two cats stand alert and move toward it, cautious and alert as well. I slow and quiet my breathing so as not to miss any further sound. I feel tension tightening the muscles in my arms and back as I sit upright and hold myself motionless.

Time slows.

Small sounds hit my ears and my mind races to decipher them. What is rain or passing car, and what is closer to the house? Human voices? Someone on the porch, trying to find cover from the rain? Someone about to knock? Maybe someone just walked by. Perhaps there is another animal outside seeking shelter, not a human. Maybe a neighbor slammed a door, or dropped something. Many scenarios rush through my mind, as real as the nothing I see, hear, or feel.

Time resumes.

I realize part of the sound I hear is ever waking snores of the inky black cat. The rain. The cars. I lean back, pausing a moment longer before I look away from the door, and back to my phone. As quickly as it came, the moment is gone again. My mind starts to explore what happened in my body. I begin to think about my class.

Homework for MBSR this week is to journal about an unpleasant event each day. I’ve already written one, but I think I realize some reasoning behind the homework. There is nothing particularly bad about unpleasant situations. I spent perhaps a solid minute fully immersed in a fearful – and yet entirely present – state of being. I could pick apart different sensations in my body, in the space around me. And I was not ruminating on the past, or planning for the distant future. I was paused in the moment and I was very aware. Being startled for a minute turned out to be a little odd piece of mindfulness.

How interesting.


Writers block got me like… That reminder I set for myself on my phone, but that I keep changing the next day. That friend you keep meaning to text, but totally forget to for weeks on end. The deep cleaning you promised yourself you would do when the weather finally turned warm, but you want to make sure it’s warm for just a couple extra days before you get…

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Listen to Minisode 2.3 Motorvational Speaking

It’s finally time for Lucenti Live Episode 2.3, with Isaac as your solo host. I’m word-walking my way through the projects and major tasks currently on my burner. Listening back to this exercise will hopefully give me some additional perspective on what I can prioritize, delegate, or push to the backburner. Please send any feedback, commentary, puns, or dead memes through the Contact page over at Lucenti.Live and you can follow…

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Just Deserts

28-Feb Idaho 23:50pm Wind I think my mum is probably not going to live for too much longer. She recently had another sudden health issue and she can’t slow down. Because no one in her day-to-day life is going to step up and actually take care of her. Some other family came, her parents and brother, but it sounds like they were just as much work as her regularly…

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Charter Cutie Plate – Section Four

Continued from Section Three. Community Safety, Sponsorship, and Recruitment Definitions Community Safety: multi-stakeholder ‘local’ approach to building cohesion between individual parties that seeks to free members from fear and want. Sponsorship: aspirants to Lucenti need a current member to vouch for them, this sponsor will remain familiar with the initiate and their progress for the duration of their introductory period. Recruitment: in the formation or deepening of friendships and…

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Charter Cutie Plate – Section Three

Continued from Section Two. Legitimacy Through Vouching, No Rigid Hierarchy, and Do-ocracy Definitions Vouching: individuals and sub-groups are recognized through consensus of other individuals/groups within Lucenti Rigid Hierarchy: a static ruling elite ranked as superior to and in control of a larger body of persons Do-ocracy: The article to do-ocracy above also includes some commentary/discussion that dives into a few things that Lucenti groups may encounter. If the…

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Listen to Lucenti Live Minisode 2.2

Welcome to Lucenti Live Episode 2.2, with Isaac as your solo host. We walk through the recommitting ritual originally performed by the trio last year. Then I focus on what intentions were set last year, how “successful” they were, and new accomplishments I hope are more salient. Give a listen to this very unedited minisode! Please send any feedback, commentary, puns, or dead memes through the Contact page over at…

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Charter Cutie Plate – Section Two

Continued from Section One. Transparency, Vulnerability, and Direct Communication Definitions Transparency: free from pretense or deceit, readily understood. Vulnerability: uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. Direct Communication: clearly stated opinions and feelings, firm advocacy for one’s own rights and needs without violating the same of others. There is a difference between privacy and secrecy, and many organizations operate in the realm of the latter. Privacy is oft considered key in…

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Listen to Lucenti Live Minisode 2.1

Welcome to Lucenti Live Episode 2.1, with Isaac as your solo host. There have been a lot of changes going on in the lives of our host trio, and as such, I’ve got the consent of my fellows to do smaller minisodes between our lengthier and more researched episodes. This will allow us to offer more engagement for those willing to torture themselves and listen, keep conversation flowing around…

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