All Posts By: ferox

Half Coffee & Half Cream

My head hurts enough that my vision is a little blurry on the sides. I reach for my water but the bottle tipped over in the night, seeping into every page of Condensed Chaos and dripping over the nightstand into the gap between. I was going to sleep in a bit longer, but fear of permanent water damage to the trailer is a more than sufficient alarm clock. I pull myself out of bed and peel items away, moving them to places that will allow them to dry. The book is then splayed open before the space heater, cover and pages curling toward a new permanent shape.

I shove a towel into the nooks in an attempt to soak up most of the spill. A small fan is easy to find in a cupboard, luckily, and I prop it at an angle to blow the moist hell out of the corner. I pull over the de-humidifier and place another damp rid container down on the floor. Fingers are crossed for it to dry some through the windy rain drenching this lovely little oak grove in Oregon.

Now for the headache. I pull on underwear and sweats I wore yesterday, and slide my feet into cold slippers. The fire from the burner beneath my teapot warms my hands and the main room, but I’m still cold. I pop a couple extra strength(tm) pills and refill my water bottle. I stir in an instant coffee pack and think of my dear friend who gifted them to me. I come up with a just shy of funny half&half joke as I pour more than I really need into the cup. I locate my phone and tweet it anyway.

The day literally looks cold and I feel the wind shaking the trailer a bit…I gladly recall I don’t have anywhere to be today. The sun is starting to come out through the early morning clouds and fog, glinting and gleaming off the neighboring trailers. I check on my book and adjust it’s position so more of it can get dry. I wonder if any my notes were washed away. I glance over at my computer and figure that since I’m up, I might as well write some shit down.

Ashes to Ashes, Dustin to Dust

Content Warning: Suicide “Suicide is not chosen; it happens when your pain exceeds the resources you have for coping with that pain.” – Out of the Nightmare by David L. Conroy Firstly, if you are or believe anyone you love might be considering suicide to stop the pain, please review and/or share the following links. You might find new ways to reduce your pain, or to increase the resources you…

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dream: nightmare wind

From 10-Sep: While staying up by a family residence in our trailer home, a great windstorm swept through overnight. Upon waking, we discovered that the trailer was nearly demolished. An example of this was a large hunk of metal caught in the wall, utterly compromising the frame of the trailer. Immediately all sorts of complications arose, from how to get it home or even to somewhere that could try…

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dream: burning fam festival

From 7-Sep: I attended a burning man style event, it seemed to be in another country. There were a lot of pinks and blues looking out over the cityscape and I commented on the vaporwave aesthetic of it. The event seemed to take over an actual city with infrastructure, be it an abandoned ancient one, or one built with what was available for the purpose of hosting things here…

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dream: eating birds

From 28-Aug: I followed a former friend as he shared some spells he’d built involving an ordered method of eating tiny birds. I ended up feeling dismay at yet another pretentious person wasting resources or engaged in frivolous/wasteful ritual activity. I woke up between these dreams, but they interlocked somehow in my mind. I encountered a bear that came into my house, though they left of their own accord….

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dream: swimming

From 27-Aug: I was attending a new high school (but was in my adult form). I was added into a few classes, but had a free period – or perhaps was skipping already. I wandered into a theater area and found folx trying to practice a scene. However, two of the individuals were not working well together. The stage was made up of several different shape and sized swimming…

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dream: community justice

From 26-Aug: The local kink community granted itself an award for self-managed justice. I was either a part of or helped orchestrate a scene wherein the “real impact” of this justice was demonstrated. People were paraded in with heavy chains around wrists or ankles, and enormous shackles around their necks. Each person spoke to those present to describe how they had been victimized by single aggressors or groups that…

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dreams: apocalypse sometime

From 26-Aug: It seems I had multiple iterations of this dream, and details often overlap, as though I was slightly lucid and kept “restarting” sections that didn’t end well. I awoke from a stasis, with the apocalypse still happening (one of those slow-moving ones where things slowly deteriorate, rather than a sudden collapse or crisis). The scientist type who woke me was oddly controlling, and made sure to limit…

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dreams: business men

From 25-Aug: While in queue for fast food during a break from school, I chatted some acquaintances just ahead of me, even flirting with a couple cuties from the group. The staff from the front had stepped away, so we weren’t exactly sure what was going on in the back. An impatient businessman ahead began spouting shitty things to a peer, citing the insanity of people who hear voices,…

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